World Series of Poker Champion Recovering Nicely After Near-Tragedy At "SuperStars" Competition
KINGSTON, JAMAICA 2005 World Series of Poker Champion Joe Hachem was released from a Kingston area hospital today, just 24 hours after his frightening collapse during the annual made-for-TV "SuperStars" competition.
The competition, which pits the world’s top athletes from various sports against one another in ten grueling events, had never before reached into the world of competitive poker. After yesterday’s near-tragedy, it is unlikely to ever do so again.
Hachem began showing signs of trouble soon after the starting gun of the seventh of the ten events, the half-mile run. Visibly fatigued and battling severe sunburn acquired just minutes after his arrival in Kingston, Hachem weaved erratically and stumbled repeatedly before dramatically dropping 600 meters from the finish line.
Forced to contend with a stellar field comprised of four National Football League players (Randy Moss, Edgerrin James, Dre’ Bly, and Michael Vick), Major League Baseball’s Tori Hunter and Andruw Jones, Olympic Swimmer Ed Moses, and the NBA’s Kevin Garnett, Hachem struggled mightily throughout the first six events of the competition, a portend of the frightening events to follow.
After opening with overwhelming last-place finishes in the rowing, rock climb, and bicycle race events, Hachem’s day took a turn for the better with a surprising second place result in the 100 meter swim when Moss, James, Bly, Vick, Hunter, Jones and Garnett all refused to enter the water, citing “cultural differences.”
The turn around was short-lived, however, as Hachem – a chiropractor by trade – nearly crushed his sternum during the day’s fifth event, weight lifting, in which the competitors attempt to bench-press increasing amounts of weight for one repetition until a champion is crowned.
“The ironic thing is,” explains Joseph Dockerty, producer of the SuperStars competition and the man responsible for procuring the show’s talent, “we hadn’t put any weight on the bar yet. For safety purposes, we only keep the collars on until we’re ready to start the event. But I guess Hachem really wanted to make up for his poor performance in the more aerobic sports, because he just slid under the bar and got after it. Luckily Shelly was standing nearby to pull it off his chest, or we could have had real problems.”
Despite pleas from staff and spectators to call it a day, Hachem, to his credit, was determined to continue. Heavily taped, he managed a 45-second 100-meter dash, which while well behind the other competitors, generated a raucous ovation from the crowd, who chanted “Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oi!, Oi!, Oi” to honor the Melbourne resident.
The momentary lift provided by the audience couldn’t carry Hachem through the next event however, as the unfortunate back-to-back placement of the day’s only two running events proved to be two much. After a brief rest allowed Hachem to recupertate by enjoying three smooth, mild Camel Lights, he gamely toed the line for the half-mile run. He would never make it to the finish.
After the ensuing chaos had settled (the ambulance arrived twenty minutes late without a working defibulator, forcing Moss, Garnett, and Hunter to draw straws to determine who would administer CPR) some of those on the scene quickly pointing their finger at Dockerty for his choice of athletes.
“What the fuck was he thinking?” Les Korsos, the man responsible for the post-event rub-downs, was quoted as saying. “The guy plays poker. Poker. How does that make him an athlete? Just look at him: his skin is all weathered, he’s got dark circles under his eyes, and he reeks of smoke and cheap booze. The dude probably hasn’t broken a sweat in two decades, and you’ve got him out here running, jumping, and swimming? It’s a fucking miracle he’s still alive.”
In his defense, a furious Dockerty referenced the “SuperStars” long history of inviting non-traditional athletes to compete. “We’ve had race car drivers. We’ve had bowlers. Shit, we even invited a water skier back in ’78, and he won the fucking thing! I didn’t hear anyone complaining then! You can’t have it both ways. Everywhere I turn, I’m hearing about how poker is a sport, and these guys should be afforded their respect as athletes. Now that I invite one to compete against the best and he nearly dies, it’s my fault? Fuck all that.”
Those in the card world, as one would expect, refuse to see yesterday’s disaster as an indication that perhaps poker, while increasingly popular and lucrative, is merely a “game.”
“I’ll tell you what,” explained Chris McGlinchy, a self-proclaimed poker “addict” who admits to losing nearly $14,000 on PartyPoker.com last week alone, “you get all them so-called ‘athletes’ at a table with Joe Hachem, and they won’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of in two hours flat. All that running and jumping…skipping…whatever…ain’t gonna do em’ much good when Joe walks away with all their money. Poker is a MENTAL sport, but all you jogging types wouldn’t understand that.”
When asked how exactly the cognitive requirements of poker differ from those of, say, Tetris, McGlinchy simply became infuriated and walked away.
The competition, which pits the world’s top athletes from various sports against one another in ten grueling events, had never before reached into the world of competitive poker. After yesterday’s near-tragedy, it is unlikely to ever do so again.
Hachem began showing signs of trouble soon after the starting gun of the seventh of the ten events, the half-mile run. Visibly fatigued and battling severe sunburn acquired just minutes after his arrival in Kingston, Hachem weaved erratically and stumbled repeatedly before dramatically dropping 600 meters from the finish line.
Forced to contend with a stellar field comprised of four National Football League players (Randy Moss, Edgerrin James, Dre’ Bly, and Michael Vick), Major League Baseball’s Tori Hunter and Andruw Jones, Olympic Swimmer Ed Moses, and the NBA’s Kevin Garnett, Hachem struggled mightily throughout the first six events of the competition, a portend of the frightening events to follow.
After opening with overwhelming last-place finishes in the rowing, rock climb, and bicycle race events, Hachem’s day took a turn for the better with a surprising second place result in the 100 meter swim when Moss, James, Bly, Vick, Hunter, Jones and Garnett all refused to enter the water, citing “cultural differences.”
The turn around was short-lived, however, as Hachem – a chiropractor by trade – nearly crushed his sternum during the day’s fifth event, weight lifting, in which the competitors attempt to bench-press increasing amounts of weight for one repetition until a champion is crowned.
“The ironic thing is,” explains Joseph Dockerty, producer of the SuperStars competition and the man responsible for procuring the show’s talent, “we hadn’t put any weight on the bar yet. For safety purposes, we only keep the collars on until we’re ready to start the event. But I guess Hachem really wanted to make up for his poor performance in the more aerobic sports, because he just slid under the bar and got after it. Luckily Shelly was standing nearby to pull it off his chest, or we could have had real problems.”
Despite pleas from staff and spectators to call it a day, Hachem, to his credit, was determined to continue. Heavily taped, he managed a 45-second 100-meter dash, which while well behind the other competitors, generated a raucous ovation from the crowd, who chanted “Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oi!, Oi!, Oi” to honor the Melbourne resident.
The momentary lift provided by the audience couldn’t carry Hachem through the next event however, as the unfortunate back-to-back placement of the day’s only two running events proved to be two much. After a brief rest allowed Hachem to recupertate by enjoying three smooth, mild Camel Lights, he gamely toed the line for the half-mile run. He would never make it to the finish.
After the ensuing chaos had settled (the ambulance arrived twenty minutes late without a working defibulator, forcing Moss, Garnett, and Hunter to draw straws to determine who would administer CPR) some of those on the scene quickly pointing their finger at Dockerty for his choice of athletes.
“What the fuck was he thinking?” Les Korsos, the man responsible for the post-event rub-downs, was quoted as saying. “The guy plays poker. Poker. How does that make him an athlete? Just look at him: his skin is all weathered, he’s got dark circles under his eyes, and he reeks of smoke and cheap booze. The dude probably hasn’t broken a sweat in two decades, and you’ve got him out here running, jumping, and swimming? It’s a fucking miracle he’s still alive.”
In his defense, a furious Dockerty referenced the “SuperStars” long history of inviting non-traditional athletes to compete. “We’ve had race car drivers. We’ve had bowlers. Shit, we even invited a water skier back in ’78, and he won the fucking thing! I didn’t hear anyone complaining then! You can’t have it both ways. Everywhere I turn, I’m hearing about how poker is a sport, and these guys should be afforded their respect as athletes. Now that I invite one to compete against the best and he nearly dies, it’s my fault? Fuck all that.”
Those in the card world, as one would expect, refuse to see yesterday’s disaster as an indication that perhaps poker, while increasingly popular and lucrative, is merely a “game.”
“I’ll tell you what,” explained Chris McGlinchy, a self-proclaimed poker “addict” who admits to losing nearly $14,000 on PartyPoker.com last week alone, “you get all them so-called ‘athletes’ at a table with Joe Hachem, and they won’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of in two hours flat. All that running and jumping…skipping…whatever…ain’t gonna do em’ much good when Joe walks away with all their money. Poker is a MENTAL sport, but all you jogging types wouldn’t understand that.”
When asked how exactly the cognitive requirements of poker differ from those of, say, Tetris, McGlinchy simply became infuriated and walked away.
posted by Tony at 7:49 AM
2 Comments:
poker has to be a sport, its on ESPN, its an all sports network, so it is clearly a sport.... like bowling, hunting, and the making of bad made-for-tv movies.....
poker IS a sport. now I want to see the spelling bee champion match up against Terrell Owens - that, my friend, would be a good sporting event.
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